One girl who hates chart toppers

This summer I worked in a factory for three hundred hours with the radio playing. It served as a constant reminder of how monotonous my work could be. I know listening to music is meant to break the monotony but the person who said that obviously hasn't heard 'We Found Love' by Rhianna. Yes, I liked it the first time I heard it. Okay and the second. But when I heard it for the fifth or sixth time I started to learn the lyrics and then WHAM it hit me. There really is only one lyric. 'We found love in a hopeless place'. Yup. Granted they mix up the backing beats but other than that it's just Rhianna singing the same line sixteen times in the space of three minutes thirty seven seconds. Yeah that really makes work monotonous. Of course it didn't help that 'We found love' (yeah the fact that I've already written we found love about three times is kind of getting me annoyed..) happened to be played on average six times a day. It started to grate. It wasn't the only song that was repeated on the radio every hour or so. 'Sexy and I know it' was common as was 'The One that Got Away' and 'Good Feeling' and 'Feel so close'. I think those four songs pretty much made up 'the Edge's' entire playlist. Anyway after listening to the chart toppers for so long I think I've figured out the formula to a chart topper which I thought I'd share with you.

1. A really annoying base sound. It's got to follow a nice and simple beat as well so even the unco's can dance to it.

like this..

2. Include the word 'love' and a phrase about her/him and loving her/him/them.
3. Include a  rap dude rapping really blatantly about sex. 
like 'First date, first base; second date, second base;
Third date, you're looking at me funny, you got a hard shell but the middle’s so yummy'.

4. Have the entire song sung by a really attractive/really slutty girl like...

this girl 

<-or this girl

5. Include really scantily clad girls in the music video. Obviously 4 and 5 are to appeal to the male demographic cause the music industry doesn't think that they have ears only eyes...

6. Feature another artist. Who's preferably more famous than you are... It means that you get to do less work and all of their die hard fans will listen to your song. I'm thinking Calvin Harris?

7. Repeat the name of the song about a thousand times throughout the song so everyone knows the name of the song and so they can remember it when they have to buy it.

8. Include directions in your lyrics. Apparently people can't think of their own dance moves so have to be told to 'put their hands up' or 'move' or to 'do the wiggle dance'. 

9. To finish it all off remember to include tonnes of repetition and if possible lyrics that objectify women.

Yeah, I'm not the greatest fan of pop music. Mainly cause most of it sounds like someone hitting their head against a wall, oh no wait a second it's just that every time I listen to it I start hitting my head against the wall in frustration. Oh but the actual reason is that the radio destroys every song for me. I mean hearing a song twenty times in the space of three days will kind of do that.